You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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