As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
