I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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