I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize