Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
