evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
