is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
