i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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