She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
