all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
