defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
