he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
