woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
