i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
