i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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