literally had 100 drinks last night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
