Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
no, he came in my armpit
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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