At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
