I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
