the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
