at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
