He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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