he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
