Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
