We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
50% drunk capacity currently
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
