My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
