Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
