remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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