So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
