he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
