I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
