She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
