is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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