The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
