I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
