i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
