Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
