Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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