No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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