I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
