my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
