I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
And then he peed in my hair
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