theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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