I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
