Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
