I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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