i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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