i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
