Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
