its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
