During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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