So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
