She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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