You work out of a Hotel?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
