I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need a hoe opinion
go on
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
