Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
don't judge my taste in strippers
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
