I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
