Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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