so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
