why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
