i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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