I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
