your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
