They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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