rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
