Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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