We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
