Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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