so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
