i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
