Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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