I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
