One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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