My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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