p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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