I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
BRING THE BAGELS
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
