I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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