Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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