Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
