As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
