We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
