You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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