Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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