Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
