I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
