I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
