dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize