so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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