CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
