guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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