This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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