What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
