Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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