a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
