it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize