You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
