I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
