How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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