So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
