Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
