So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
