You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
