im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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