Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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